Apparently, the gift for the person who has everything is a genetic ancestry DNA kit. I kid you not. “Here, darling, swab the inside of your mouth for me please and we’ll send this off and discover if you really are the love child of Rita Heyworth and the Aga Khan…” So romantic, eh? Now, I am not knocking this present idea, far from it – who wouldn’t want to discover they had something deliciously exotic in their genetic make-up? But what would this information would add to my life? Maybe, but you could invest that money in something that reveals your native tribe in a much prettier manner. Read on, find yourself in the following little pen portraits…
Catty, slinky, aloof, claws out and fangs at the ready… This is the dress for the most feline females amongst us. Figure-hugging vintage bodycon with a flattering Bardot-style neckline and a matching belt to accentuate your curves, the very pinnacle of 1950s retro style. A beautiful wiggle dress is an essential addition to any vintage wardrobe, and like all pampered pussycats, you want what you want when you want it! And what’s more, you make sure you get it! Sleek, aloof, dainty of foot and ever so refined, but always game for a good night on the tiles. Wear a beautiful retro-style leopard print wiggle dress and remind everyone that underneath the sophisticated facade, we are all just wild animals.
We are here for the shortest time and death takes no bribes, so, darling, you might as well wear your best dress every damned day! Ever the optimist, you bring the giggles, the wiggles and the best playlist to every party. Skulls and roses, so dark, so funereal, and yet that fabulous print clings to your curves, making those roses bloom and the skulls smile. It’s down to the ever-flattering cut of our gorgeous Way Out West swing dress, a classic vintage shirt dress with nipped-in waist and a full-circle skirt that can be worn with, or without, one of our frothy rockabilly petticoats. “Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them,” wrote George Eliot, and you will never be forgotten wearing this dress. See, it’s like the gift of eternal life. Bonus!
Lady, I couldn’t care less if that red hair came out of a bottle and the freckles are a semi-permanent tattoo, if you say you’re a Celtic goddess I believe you! Being at one with nature, you’ll appreciate the brushed cotton warmth of the high quality Welsh tartan cotton we’ve used to make our classic Way Out West 1950s style shirt dress – I understand the moors can be awfully wiley and windy this time of year. But staying warm needn’t prevent you from looking as sexy as Boudicca on a shiny new chariot, you just need to wear our classic 1950s vintage-style shirt dress and you’re ready to invade (just go easy on the Woad).
Of course, it matters not one bit to me who you are, where you are from or where you’re heading. If you’re reading this and admiring our amazing designs then you are clearly a retro babe with glamour coursing through your veins and an innate love of 1950s vintage style. I don’t need a DNA kit to tell me that!